Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize