There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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