I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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