Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
