when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
