At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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