just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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