you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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