Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
