Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
