Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
