i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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