She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
