I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Randomize
