after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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