Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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