Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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