After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
