Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize