Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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