Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
