Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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