Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's the barista slut.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
