Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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