My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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