There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this will be a night to untag.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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