The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And then he peed in my hair
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