u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
