just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
