It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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