I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
