Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
