Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
