It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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