I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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