i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
