This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
