if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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