i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
