I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
