Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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