planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
