happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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