id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
