She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize