I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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