You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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