I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize