Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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