I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
