Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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