I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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