At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
