I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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