would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
