Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
