I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
