The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
