This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
