Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
