Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize