i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
