You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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