You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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