I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
