i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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