U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
