i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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