I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
