I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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