Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
