I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize