I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
