Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
