Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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