I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
