Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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