ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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