I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
