Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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