is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
