I CAN MOONWALK!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
