the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
