I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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