Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
