tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
