Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
