he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
