Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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