Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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