Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
