He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
