I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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