Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
