Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
