It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
