At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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